someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
