the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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