i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
