She said her name was "party"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize