u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
