just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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