You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
