so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
