I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
