I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize