The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
