end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
