You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
