i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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