Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
