my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
