Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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