I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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