Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
