Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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