So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
