My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
