i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
