Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
