I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize