I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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