He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
