what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
