My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
