Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
