Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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