so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
either way he was missing a nipple.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
