I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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