thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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