nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize