her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
