Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
