i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
