True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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