____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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