Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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