I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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