yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
