Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
