It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
