Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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