yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
