We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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