I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
