So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
