I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
