Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize