Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
