I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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