If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i out mim tonsoeep
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