How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Someone shattered a urinal.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
