Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
