seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
