It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
