Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
