My liver just broke up with me...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
