Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
