Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
