i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize