as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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