sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
