You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
