Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
