Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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