My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
