I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize