I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
