dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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