FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
