he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
a search helicopter?!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
