walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
