she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
